


The ones that got away

by KylandaDragan



Series: Two halves of the same soul [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Hurt Cassian Andor, Love, POV Jyn Erso, Survival
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22151170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KylandaDragan/pseuds/KylandaDragan
Summary: While the fate of the resistance now lays in the hands of a princess, an aspiring padawan and a scoundrel, two war heroes are left for dead in an almost entirely obliterated scenery.Raised to survive, Jyn Erso refuses to give up as she wakes up on Scarif, an injured Cassian under her care.Will she find a way out of this place? And if they manage to live to see another day, will they decide to join the fight once again?
Relationships: Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Rebelcaptain - Freeform - Relationship
Series: Two halves of the same soul [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594396
Comments: 28
Kudos: 67





	1. There has been an awakening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thevwchu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevwchu/gifts).



> Hello everyone, I am not abandoning On Our way to the Sky, but I need to write this piece, Cassian and Jyn centered. Trust me, there is a good reason for this and somehow, this will connect with my other fic on the long run. I hope you'll enjoy reading it!

**Scarif beach**

**day one after the Death Star.**

The first thing coming to her mind her is that she feels a strange metallic taste in her mouth.

She tries to open her eyes, but she is so exhausted…

What happened to her?

Is she trapped in between dreams and reality? She wonders…

Where is she? Why is she laying on the ground?

She takes a harsh breath. Maybe that getting more oxygen in her system will give her the boost she needs to be more reactive.

Breathing is hard. There is a weight over her torso. Is she trapped under something?

She weakly raises an arm to feel what is blocking her.

It is warm… solid and yet, somehow soft. Her hand moves up, and she feels… hair?

She needs to open her eyes. She needs it! She cracks them open… there is no harsh light assaulting her. The last time she saw something, it was blinding…

Blinding… a mass of fire racing toward her and… Cassian…

Cassian!

Her fingers move a little more to feel the hair resting over her torso… she lowers them, and she feels a scruffy beard.

Cassian… the last thing she remembers of him is holding him as closely as she could, separate only by their layers of clothes and the kyber crystal hanging from her neck.

She can feel him… She can feel him! Her eyes open completely, a strong adrenalin rush giving her the illusion of energy she needs for now..

She tries to say his name, but her throat doesn’t allow it. She raises her head as best as she can, only to see his unconscious face resting above her heart.

Her eyes close again, She lets her head falls back, her fingers curling protectively around his neck.

Then everything goes dark again.

***

**Scarif beach**

**Day two after the Death Star.**

The second time she comes back to her senses, she feels a little more coherent. She opens her eyes, only to see a disturbing kind of darkness… an unnatural one. It’s like being in broad daylight, with some strange clouds blocking the sun. She can hear the rain falling around and over them but oddly enough she doesn’t feel it so much.

She feels Cassian still over her as if he hadn’t moved a single bit. She doesn’t take this as a good sign. She doesn’t know how long they have been there, or if he is still…

She pushes that thought away. No need to make bad assumptions. Saw taught her better than this.

Somehow, with as much strength as she can gather, she manages to turn him on his back and to settle on her side.

This act alone is painful. It feels like that time she has been bedridden for weeks and her body had lost the habit of moving. All her muscles are aching, but for now, this is the least of her worry.

Cassian is so pale. She tentatively places a hand over his cheek and feels briefly relieved. He is warm which means he is alive, barely.

She moves her hand over his neck to check his pulse. It’s rapid and from the layer of sweat covering his face, she can tell he is being hit by fever. He assumes the wounds he got from his fall in the tower either caused an internal bleeding or are getting infected.

 _No, no, no, no, no!_ She thinks. They didn’t resist to the Death Star blast to have him dying from a stupid fever!

She shakes him a little… a pathetic attempt at bringing him back, even if all her training tells her that this is completely useless.

Cassian needs medical attention, and he needs it now.

***

**Scarif beach**

**Two hours later**

Gathering what strength she has left is not difficult. Saw taught her to overcome pain, grief and sorrow. Jyn has been raised to be a war machine. She resisted Wobani, She left Jedha as chaos was obliterating the whole place, she survived to the Death Star blast (she will have to look into that later…). For now, she has one thing in mind, giving Cassian what he needs.

She managed to pull him into a mess of burnt metal. This probably used to be a transport. There is nothing left in there, but at least, it provides a shelter from the rain.

She gathered a curved piece of metal in which she collects the precious drops of water falling from the sky. This will have to do. Cassian will need to remain hydrated. Putting his head on her lap, she parts his lips with her fingers and brings water to his mouth. She isn’t sure it is working, but she has no other option for now.

Looking around, she realizes the beach no longer looks like what it was. The sand turned into glass, except for a circular space where she and Cassian were laying.

So strange.

Dismissing that thought, she lets her practical mind wander. In all the imperial facilities, there is an underground complex, a large bunker, created precisely to protect officials as well as the important data from an attack.

She saw what the Death Star did to Jedha, but fortunately, this didn’t happen here. The beam landed far away in the sea and probably changed the topography of the sea bed there. But here ? Despite the destructions caused by the intense heat, things have apparently not moved.

How did they survive the heat?

There is not even a skeleton around baring witness of the battle that took place here. Everything has been vaporized, along with the sea… which could explain the clouds and the rain…

 _Later_ , she chastises herself.

For now, she needs to see if Scarif’s tower was built over such an underground complex. If that’s indeed the case, then there, she should find some basic medical supply and perhaps, a way to contact the resistance to let them know they were still here.

Looking back at Cassian, she wishes she could share her plan with him. For now, she will have to do something she completely despises… leaving him here while she is exploring the area.

***


	2. Shelter

**Scarif Beach**

**Dawn**

Each time she comes back to check on Cassian, Jyn feels a stab of worry that would have deeply angered Saw Gerera. That one had trained a survivor and certainly not a woman with feelings.

Regardless, Jyn makes sure she doesn’t stay away for too long, in case Cassian’s condition is worsening. She already left four times to explore the area, with no result. As for Cassian, he has yet to open his eyes, and that, in itself, scares her to death.

He is still burning, so she takes upon herself to wet his clothes in order to lower his body temperature each time she comes back. She has torn part of her shirt to put a wet cloth over his forehead but she knows she is hardly buying time for him. What he needs, she is sure of it, is underground, and she needs to find the access.

Holding his head on her lap, she bends and whispers for him soothing words. She will come back again and she won’t leave him behind. She will find that access and all the supply he’ll need to get better. Together, they will leave this place and then…

She stops her train of thoughts. She doesn’t feel like she should imagine those things. Not without his consent. She knows he cares, to some extends. It was quite obvious in the elevator and almost overwhelming on the beach, but it was a moment lost in some particular circumstances and perhaps nothing else.

Reluctantly, she leaves him again and gets out of the metallic mass keeping him safe. Looking around, she tries to make her memories of the battlefield prior to the Death Star’s strike match with the desolate scenery surrounding her.

She can see the pathetic remnants of the tower on her left. If she is correct, she already explored this area, but the whole structure collapsed and melted under the intense heat, and she can’t get close to the base of it where logically, a bunker access should be located.

In her years of training with Saw, she has learnt to analyze building structures. She was good at infiltrating complexes, most of the time to plant bombs, and occasionally, to abduct persons of interest. If there is one thing she knows about imperial facilities, it’s that there are always 3 accesses to a bunker. One at the bottom of the main building for officials needing immediate protection, one near the astroport, for emergency escape procedures, and one in the wilderness in case the bunker was compromised and leaving was no longer an option.

She focuses on the area where the astroport once was and decides this would be the easiest option. Giving one final look toward Cassian’s shelter, she grabs the kyber around her neck, and silently asks her mother to watch over the both of them.

***

**Scarif Beach**

**Middle of the night**

She is ready to give up when her foot bumps over something large and concealed under a deep layer of wet ash. Falling on her knees, desperate to finally get a reason to hope again, she waves away the disgusting black and sticky pasta and soon enough, uncovers what looks like an access.

Now, all she needs is to open it.

The first three attempts are complete failures. On the third try, Jyn really feels exhaustion… She has been awake and on the move for hours… the solution is under her feet… and she can’t get in there…

No.

A rush of adrenalin overwhelms her. She isn’t a quitter and she isn’t doing this for herself. Cassian needs her. She is not going to let him die here!

Once again, she grabs the partly torn metallic wheel holding the door closed. Taking a deep breath, she gathers all she has in her… strength, hope, anger, rage. With a loud scream, she bands her arm muscles and, ignoring the pain hitting her, she manages to make things move a little.

This isn’t hopeless, she thinks.

And she tries again…

And again…

Until the system unlocks and she can move the lid in an open position.

***

**One hour later**

She should have probably explored the underground complex first in case some imperials were in there, but part of her knew that Cassian would probably not be able to hold on for much longer. That’s why she ran back to him, mentally listing the actions she would have to take once they would be both inside.

She manages to create a slide with a torn piece of metal and, having settled Cassian over it, she drags him to the access the best she can. Never once does she give up, despite her muscles screaming at her, or exhaustion threatening her.

Jyn is trained to resist torture, another gift from Saw.

Reaching the opening, she knows that now, they have a chance.

Lowering Cassian in there isn’t that hard. The bottom of the access isn’t far and she can get down while keeping him against her. She doesn’t like the unnatural heat radiating from his body, but she dismisses that thought for now.

Once they reach the bottom of the access, she realizes everything is dark. If the underground facility was supposed to be a shelter, it should be powered. This might be a problem.

Settling Cassian safely against a wall, she rubs his cheek and promises him to come back before exploring for potential threats.

Moving in the dark isn’t easy, fortunately, the kyber crystal around her neck provides a very mild halo. This is not enough, however, to see what Jyn is bumping into as she walks down the hall.

Bending down, she sees three corpses in imperial suits. She has seen people in similar positions before. Death by asphyxia. There won’t be any living threat left in the complex. She can understand what happened. The generators probably shut down for some reason, and these people couldn’t put them back online. They were probably searching for an emergency access… too late…

On the floor, next to one of the men, she spots a lamp that she immediately tries. The light is weak, but will be enough to help her explore the complex, in search for the generators room.


	3. Survival

**Scarif – underground complex**

**Day three, dusk**

_I can’t give up now. I just can’t._

By then, Jyn is beyond exhausted, but sleeping isn’t an option.

Her exploration of the whole complex brought her two good news and a very bad one.

On the good side, there is a medical room filled with emergency supply, a 2-1B surgical droid and a small bacta chamber. In addition to that, the storage room is stocked with water and imperial high quality rations.

On the bad side, the generators are damaged and she has to bring them back online as soon as possible if she wants Cassian to have a chance to survive. 

She was fortunate to find other military flashlights in her quest for supply. She set them in some strategic places and thanks to this, she was able to drag Cassian close to the generator room which allows her now to keep an eye on him while she is working on the generators damaged parts.

By the look of it, the magnetic impulse of the Death Star beam toasted some electronic parts that she is now replacing with pieces she found in a big storage box in close proximity. Her hands are slightly shaking. Her muscle arms are burning from the constant abuses they are going through since she decided to search for the complex but each time she wants to stop, she turns her head and spots Cassian.

He sometimes shivers, but out of that, there is no reaction coming from him and this is something completely unacceptable for her.

***

**Scarif - Underground complex**

**Noon**

Jyn takes a moment in front of the generators handle before actually pulling it.

If it doesn’t work now, then all hope will be lost.

She narrows her eyes.

No, she doesn’t allow herself to think that way. She is better than this. If the generators don’t work, then she will have to try and fixing them again.

Taking a firm grip on the handle, she slowly pulls it and waits.

After a few seconds, she hears a whistling, a low rumble, then everything comes back to life. The lights flicker then become extremely bright and she can’t suppress a wide smile.

Turning to look at Cassian, she knows what she has to do next.

***

**Scarif, underground complex, medical bay**

**One hour later**

She has to fully reinitialize the2-1B surgical droid before putting it on active duty, as the magnetic impulse had apparently affected it too. Standing next to the medical bed, she now watches it work over a still unconscious Cassian.

She doesn’t pay attention to his current state of undress. This is much needed for a full checkup. What drags her eyes, however, is the amount of old scars and of fresh bruises the spy is wearing on his skin. It matches her in so many ways that it frightens her.

The intravenous treatment Cassian is receiving is apparently making the fever recede a little bit, still, Jyn doesn’t like the ashen color of his face.

“Are you done assessing his condition?” She asks, her patience reaching its limit.

Three fractured vertebras. Mild internal bleeding stopped by the presence of a broken rib blocking the blood flow on his liver. Advanced infection. Concussion. Dehydration. General weakness.”

Jyn looks at the droid in disbelief then back at Cassian.

“I am treating the infection, weakness and dehydration through the intravenous treatment. I will now operate to stop the internal bleeding and fix his rib before putting him in the bacta tank for a first healing session.”

“Is he going to make it?” She barely hears herself ask this question, her eyes staying locked over his face.

“His chances for survival are estimated at 38%.”

“He has faced worse before.”

***

**Scarif, underground complex, medical bay**

**Evening**

She can’t allow herself to rest. She is running on no sleep for the past two days and yet, she refuses to close her eyes. For now, she is standing in front of the bacta tank, one hand resting on the glass while she is looking at Cassian’s face.

If she is honest with herself, she is afraid to wake up to realize he died while she was resting. She foolishly feels like staying awake will make a difference in the current battle for his life. The medical droid briefly checked her right after they put Cassian in the tank, and mildly stabilized her condition. She could care less about herself for now.

It’s funny how in a matter of days, this man has become more to her than her need for self preservation.

She can hear Saw’s voice in her head, blaming her for being so foolish. She can also see something else for the first time in a very long time. She sees Galen’s eyes full of affection for her and for her mother.

She doesn’t understand how this warrior, this spy, who has done so many terrible things, is able to reactivate the best part of her. This is completely illogical as well as suicidal in Saw’s book.

And yet, it feels so right.

*******

**Scarif, underground complex, medical bay**

**The morning after**

She fell asleep, curled on a chair in front of the tank.

She didn’t mean to.

She wakes up with a start, her back immediately straightening. She looks at the tank and pales completely.

It is empty. Then she hears some metallic noises and stands, spotting the surgical droid working on Cassian’s back. This means only one thing… he is still alive for now.

She doesn’t come any closer, not wanting to risk any germ contamination. She doesn’t say a word, but from where she is, she follows each and every move made by the droid, her fingers clutching the kyber hanging around her neck.

She has seen countless of partisans getting injured during her time with Saw and she knows that a broken back is sometimes a completely irreversible thing. She would always consider those suffering from that as lost for good. But she can’t see Cassian like that.

She can’t even imagine him not healing from this and from the rest. They survived Jedha for Force sakes! They survived Scarif and from the look of it, they were the only ones too.

He is going to pull through, and once he is awake, they will work together to find a way to leave this wasteland forever.

_Together._

What a strange word for someone who always valued her independence and had a limited trust in people...

And yet, this is what Cassian is inspiring to her.


	4. Radiations

**Scarif, underground complex, day Five**

Jyn gives up trying to stay awake. There are moments where her body simply shuts down and she falls into a deep slumber. She usually wakes up to the sound of the droid making his checking routine over Cassian and his back surgery.

This time, it’s different.

This time, she distinctly hears a human sound, a whisper, but one she wouldn’t be able to miss, even in a very loud environment.

“Jyn…”

She immediately turns her head. He is still laying flat on his stomach, a big bacta patch over the surgery cut made by the droid, and a blanket resting on his legs to keep him from the cold. His eyes remain shut, and as motionless as he is, she could believe she has imagined his voice.

Standing from her chair, she drags her feet closer, her eyelids still feeling heavy.

Jyn’s hand rests on his head after a bit, and she is surprised to feel that the fever is entirely gone.

“Jyn?” he whispers once again and this time, her heart tries to escape from her chest. She slowly kneels, putting her face at the same level as his head. Rubbing his head slowly, she answers, her voice a bit hoarse.

“Hello captain.”

He tries to open his mouth, but she gently lowers her hand over his cheek. “No, it’s allright. You need more rest. I’ve got your back.”

He barely nods his head, and then goes silent again.

***

**Scarif, underground complex, day six**

From this moment, she knows things are on the right path. Cassian is weak, extremely so, but the news the medical droid keeps giving her are displaying signs that she would always consider as good.

If he is unable to move his legs for now, the droid assures her that he has reflexes movements showing that his spine is on the way to recovery. She remains by his side at all times, barely leaving the room to grab rations and when he wakes up for a few minutes, she does her best to give him answers putting his mind at peace.

They don’t exchange much, which is a relief for her, because had he been fully awake, he would probably have noticed that something is wrong with her.

Consciously, she knows it, but she refuses to address the issue, Cassian being at the forefront of her mind. Yet, the way her color remains grey, or the fact that she can barely tolerate food isn’t right. She has seen this before, she isn’t stupid, but she won’t accept to use the bacta tank again in case Cassian needs it as an emergency procedure.

It’s only when she collapses that the medical droid decides to gives her its full attention.

Statistically speaking, it now evaluates Cassian’s chances of survival at 68%. For Jyn, it’s another story. She barely hits 22% due to radiation poisoning making her system shut down, which means the droid’s emergency procedure is now engaged.

***

**Scarif, underground complex, day seven**

The next time she wakes up, her vision is blurry and she feels a mask tightly tied to her face. Her heart starts racing as adrenalin rushes through her system.

Her body, however feels like it weights a ton and each move seems to be impossible to perform.

Then she gets it. She is in the bacta tank, probably heavily medicated… what happened to her?

***

**Scarif, underground complex, a few hours later**

She always had some limited trust in droids. The one she remotely tolerated was K2SO, but that’s only because his constant sarcasms were making him sound human.

She had specifically asked this one to focus all of its resources on Cassian, so when the damn mix of metal and components started justifying itself by mentioning the whole emergency process, she nearly growled.

Having identified her as the highest ranking officer within the complex and in order to protect the integrity of the line of command as its programming requires, the droid made lifesaving decisions without the patient’s consent.

Now out of the bacta tank and listening to all of this nonsense from a bed that has definitely been forced in the room next to Cassian’s, Jyn glares at the droid.

“I told you not to worry about me. He is the emergency here.” She hates the way her voice doesn’t come out as stern as she would like.

“Your chances were below 25% when it was previously at 75 %. This engaged the emergency procedure. There was a probability of 0,8% for you to naturally recover from radiation poisoning.”, answered the mechanical voice.

Definitely not K2S0…

“Radiation poisoning? It makes no sense. I wasn’t exposed to…”

Of course she was… now she gets it. The Death Star blast. It had to be this. But then… if she was poisoned…

“How is Cassian? Is he affected too?” she asks, anxiety filtering through her voice.

“Your human companion has been cleared from the radiation exposure during his time in the bacta tank, as you have been.”

Good… good…she thinks… then another wave of worry. If there are radiations on the surface, she hasn’t closed the access to this facility, which means constant poisoning…

“ How is the radiation level in the facility?” she asks, her tone as commanding as it can be.

“The radiation level is slightly higher than normal and constantly decreasing.” replies the droid.

This makes no sense to her. She has seen places where radiations effects could last for decades.

“I need to get up and close the access. Now. “ she says, gritting her teeth and moving her hands to the sides to push herself in a sitting position.

That’s when a hand wraps around her left wrist. Not a cold and mechanical one.

A warm one. One with a thumb barely pressing the inside of her wrist.

“Stay.” Mumbles Cassian, his dark eyes fixed on her face as he remains on his stomach in his medical bed.

Her green eyes meet his and for once, the rebel in her relaxes.

“It’s ok.” He says, his accent stronger than usual. “It’s gone.”

She expects him to close his eyes again like he has been doing before she collapsed but he doesn’t, nor does he release her wrist.

She settles back completely and takes a deep breath.

“How did we survive?” he asks, his eyes calculating.

She stifles a laugh and considers him for a while. “I don’t know. Everything has been vaporized up there, down to the sea… everything but us.”

He mumbles something in a language she doesn’t understand, and the minutes he stops, she wants him to start again even if nothing makes sense to her.

“Is that festian?” She asks, moving slowly on her side since he doesn’t seem decided to release her wrist.

“Hmm… yes.” He replies, looking like he is drowning in her eyes.

“And you said?”

“I’m glad you survived.”

She smiles at him and puts her free hand over his. “I’m glad you’re here too, captain.”

***


	5. Fighters never give up

**Scarif**

**Underground complex, day nine**

Jyn watches as the medical droid tests Cassian’s legs reflexes.

She tries to suppress her worry, but her treacherous mind shows her all over again his fall and the way he hit that metallic bridge a few stories under them the day they tried to steal the plans.

Granted, he had managed to limp back up to help her after this, and then they had escaped to join the beach, but maybe that it had been too much after all.

For now, Cassian rests on his elbows and looks intensely at his legs as if this could make them move.

No reaction.

Jyn’s eyes narrow a fraction. She finds that she is also focused on his legs.

_Come on…_ she thinks.

Still nothing. She sees the droid pull away once all the testing is done and give its diagnostic.

“No recorded reaction.”

The droid moves away to transfert the results on a datapad.

Without a word, Jyn throws away the cover resting on her legs and she stands from her bed, still feeling weak but not really caring.

Cassian, quickly looks at her. “Go back to bed.”

She hates the blank mask he is currently displaying to hide his worry. She hasn’t known him for a long time, but she understands him enough to know it’s just an act. They are the same, him and her: running on pretenses and carefully planned acts in order to survive any predicament.

She sits at the foot of his bed, takes one of his legs on her lap and looks at him, silently defying him to challenge her.

He sighs… a mark of frustration or of resignation, she isn’t sure.

Looking back at his leg, she puts one hand on his knee and the other on his ankle. “That damn droid gets it wrong. You walked after the accident and we used surgery and a bacta tank. It’s going to work. It’s just a question of time.”

“Look at me.” Cassian’s tone is commanding, but there is nothing harsh behind his words. She slightly turns her head and her green eyes meet his brown ones. “Be realistic. How many chances are there for me to walk again? If I don’t feel anything now…”

“Shut up!” Jyn’s green eyes burn with anger and if Cassian thinks about challenging her, he decides to not act on it for now. “It’s only been a few days. During my time with the partisans, I have seen people recovering from bigger injuries. You walked back to me on that kriffin tower. It means something.”

He looks up and sighs, muttering something in festian but is immediately cut by the sound of her hand slapping over his thigh. “Hey, if you have to say something, at least say it in a language I understand!”

He looks back at her and spits “I said you are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met!”

“Damn right I am! Now, listen to me carefully, Andor, because I’m not going to say it twice.” she nearly growls which in returns makes him lift an eyebrow. “You are not going to quit without a fight. We’ve faced worse and this thing? We are going to face it together as well.”

“We are trapped on a wasteland with no transportation to leave the planet, you have been radiation poisoned and I am obviously paralyzed. How do you expect us to get out of this mess?”

“Oh because you think I haven’t seen worse?” she replies, rising her voice. “Try being 8, hiding and waiting for a squadron of imperial troopers to find and terminate you! Try surviving Saw Gerrera’s training! Try being a woman in Wobani!”

“I can’t walk, Jyn! Open your damn eyes! There is nothing I can do to get us out of here!” he says, his voice rising as well.

“But I can! And I will!” she now yells. “And we are going to fix your legs, because I am telling you! You can walk and you will walk!”

Something in her makes him stop arguing. All he can do is watch her face and suddenly, his practical mind shuts down. All he has been trained to understand, all he logically knows goes down the drain. It’s not because she is upset. It’s even less because he feels dominated by her because it’s not the case.

What happens to him now is exactly the same thing that pushed him to gather the men that joined Rogue One after Mon Mothma refused to raid Scarif base. There is something in Jyn that pushes him beyond his boundaries, something that makes him want to orbit around her.

He never felt like this before and he’s pretty certain this is not something that can happen twice in a lifetime.

In a swift move, Cassian grabs Jyn’s wrist and lays back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. 

She lets him. Of course she does. Cassian is probably the only one able to do this without ending up punched or stabbed. She tries to fool herself by thinking this is because they both survived events that should have annihilated them but in the back of her mind, she knows it’s a lie.

Something happened to them before that. On Jedha perhaps? Or was it on Eadu? One thing is certain, it was definitely there before they left for Scarif and it became obvious in the heat of the battle.

In a matter of weeks, Cassian has become a vital part of her life, something that she can’t extract, leave behind and forget like she has done with everything else for all her life.

At some point, she moves her arm a little and makes him release her wrist so she can take his hand. Their eyes briefly meet again and just with this, she understands he is not going to give up yet.


	6. Death can wait

**Scarif**

**Underground complex, day twelve**

Jyn wouldn’t have been able to tolerate one more day resting on that uncomfortable bunk, so when the medical droid clears her from any treatment, she decides to fully explore the complex in order to see what supply they could use to at least contact other worlds.

From the look of it, she is going to have to reboot most of the operating systems in the complex, since they have been affected by the magnetic impulse certainly caused by the Death Star blast.

The main problem however, is probably the fact that even if she manages to fix any communication console, they might not have any operational relay left in space to convey their message. As for those on Scarif surface, she is certain they have all been obliterated.

Sitting on a table, Jyn lowers her head and tries to center herself to think rationally. If they can’t find a way to communicate outside of Scarif, they will have to find a way to leave it.

What a joke…

Unless…

Her eyes slightly widen. Jumping from the table, Jyn bolts toward the complex access, hoping that her theory might be correct.

***

**Underground complex, day twelve**

**A few hours later**

Fresh out from another round in the bacta tank, and laying in his bed, Cassian isn’t prepared for the tornado assaulting him next in the form of a very disheveled and mostly covered in mud and rain Jyn.

“I think I have found a way to get us out of here.” she says, barely able to catch her breath.

Cassian simply lifts an eyebrow but doesn’t dare commenting his companion’s current look.

Jyn points a finger toward the ceiling, everything in her betraying her excitement. “Several wrecks are crashing from their orbital position and some of them are battle cruisers. I am certain if we try hard enough, we can at least use their long distance communicators, and if we are luckier, we can even try to find light ships still being in the hangars and still being in flying condition.”

“I doubt we could find anything in good shape.” states Cassian.

“Yes, but what if we find something that can be fixed? I can do some stuffs and I’m pretty sure you can too.”

“You really think this could work? Supposing this damn droid finds a way to make my legs work again, How are we going to reach the wrecks? I won’t be able to walk for miles…”

“Don’t worry about it. I can do all the exploration while you heal.”

“Jyn…”Cassian sighs then adjusts himself on his elbows. “You can’t do everything alone. You’ve barely recovered and we don’t know what’s going on on the surface. What if the imperials come back?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time I am beating them to their game. I’m very good at escaping them.”

Tilting his head a little, the spy utters a single word. “Wobani?”

Jyn points a finger at him “For that one, I have been betrayed.”

Cassian briefly smiles before shaking his head. “Do you realize how dangerous your plan is?”

Coming closer, Jyn slightly shrugs. “Our rations won’t last forever, and crops won’t grow in the area before at least a decade. Everything is torched and vitrified up there. Our only chance is to leave this place. I need to do whatever it takes.”

Her green eyes lock with Cassian’s, and a strange moment of understanding pass between them. The young man barely nods, and this is all the acknowledgement Jyn needs.

***

**Underground complex, day fourteen**

Jyn seizes the blaster she keeps under her pillow and jumps from the bed when she hears a muffled scream coming from the medical bed not far from hers. She is certain she has locked the access after her last trip outside. Now that wrecks are crashing on Scarif’s surface, she is not going to take any chance in case a survivor comes up and tries to attack them.

Before she can realize what is happening, she sees the medical droid next to Cassian’s bed and frowns.

“What’s going on?” She asks, adrenalin rushing through her system as she sees the beads of sweat covering Cassian’s forehead and neck.

“It’s all right, Jyn.” says the young man through gritted teeth. Taking several hard breaths, he mumbles what sounds like a curse in festian.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she commands, glaring at the droid.

“I am recording stage one reflexes on both legs. It appears the last procedure has successfully established the connection between the patient’s leg nerves and his spine.”

Setting the blaster back on her bed, she joins Cassian and takes his hand. “Hold on tight. If it hurts, it’s a good sign. Take some deep and slow breaths.”

The spy grips her hand tight and tries to follow what she recommends, to no avail. “Not that easy.”

“It never is, Captain.” she replies, her knuckles turning white and her free hand rubbing his arm. “Not for people like us.”

“People like us are supposed to die on the battlefield.” He says, his teeth gritting again as the droid engages a new procedure and makes him slowly move his legs.

“And before dying, people like us are supposed to get out of desperate situations with barely any resources at their disposal.”

“I might be too old for this.” Cassian takes several hard breaths then shuts his eyes tight.

“You might be old enough for retirement, yes. But Death can wait.”

It’s perhaps because she said that last sentence with a voice softer than usual that Cassian takes upon himself to open his eyes and look at her, even if the pain is currently overwhelming.

Can people like him retire and consider another type of life? Would it be morally acceptable after all he has done for the cause? After all the murders, all the sabotage, all the sacrifices he asked of others?

He never imagined this to be an option for him.

Until now.


	7. Just us

**Scarif**

**Underground complex – day 24**

She is stubborn. This is something Cassian tells himself at least 20 times a day as he observes Jyn’s determination to find a way to leave Scarif.

From the moment his legs started to register pain, Cassian took upon himself to find back his mobility and each day, he works with the medical droid for some long hours to reconnect with his own body. He has yet to stand up on his own, but the progresses he is making are encouraging.

He wouldn’t have expected to see so many progresses 3 weeks before, when he woke up for the first time. He had been certain his death was just artificially delayed, but that was without counting Jyn’s willful way of seeing things from another prospective.

Honesty would push Cassian to admit he is not doing this for him but for her. That’s precisely why he doesn’t question himself too much, fearing this could perhaps open doors on territories he isn’t willing (or ready ?) to explore just yet.

Jyn partly scares him, but it’s not the dangerous warrior and rebel side of her that he fears.

It’s something that he can’t name and that exists only when they let their guard down… and this happens more and more lately.

Jyn is incredibly determined to see them off this planet and each day brings more and more signs that she could actually succeed. The days before, she has found the remains of a Baleen-class heavy freighter embedded in the vitrified ground and she has returned to the underground complex with the certainty of their chance laying in the entrails of that fallen ship.

When she left the facility the morning after, her eyes were full of promises and Cassian even noticed once or twice a genuine smile adorning her lips.

It was very much unlike the cold facade she was used to present to the world and it was beautiful.

She was beautiful on top of being strong, smart and...

And that is precisely the territory he isn’t going to explore for now, he tells himself while resuming his leg therapy.

***

When Jyn storms in the small medical bay a few hours later, something has definitely changed. She is disheveled, her face, arms and hands are covered in grease marks but there are sparks in her eyes that definitely mean something.

« What? » he asks her, sitting on the bed, his left leg encased in a stimulating device.

« I accessed the ship’s database. The smugglers who arrived on site to scavenge what’s on orbit loaded a VCX-series auxiliary starfighter. I managed to reach the cargo bay and I spotted the ship. Taking it out is going to be difficult, because of the way the Heavy freighter collapsed on the ground, but I can tell the starfighter has been protected from the wreckage. »

 _She actually did it_ … he thinks, and he slightly chuckles as he hears how she is already planning to use some carefully positioned detonators to create weaknesses in the massive structure in order to free the starfighter.

« Jyn. »

« And If I manage to create enough rifts, I could certainly use the leverage engine I spotted in the second level storage room and then… »

« Jyn ! » he insists and suddenly she stops, looking at him as if he had two heads. How could he stop her when she has so many important things to plan to get out of their predicament?

It’s like he can read her mind. His head tilts and his lips curve into a half smile that would have rendered her speechless if she hadn’t stopped talking already.

« Come here. » Cassian offers his hand and despite the confusion writing on her face, Jyn takes a few steps closer and slowly takes it.

« Good. » He adds, barely nodding. « When was the last time you truly rested? »

« I’m fine. » she said, her tone automatically turning defensive.

« Hey. » Cassian slowly pulls on her hand, making her sit on the edge of the bed. « Listen, nothing good is going to come out of this if you exhaust yourself. In war, if you don’t protect what assets you have, you die. »

« I know what I’m capable of doing. » she replies, defensively.

« I do not doubt your abilities. » Squeezing her fingers just a little to ground her to his words, he looks at her with an intensity she can barely handle. « But I need you to remain careful. What if something happens to you up there while I still can’t get to you? »

The partisan side of her feels on biting mode at his words. Nothing is going to happen to her and if he doubts her, then she can show him how wrong he is and…

But there is another side in her, one that had been almost completely obliterated and which came back to life near him. Her heart slightly speeds up, and there is a small ringing in her ears…

« Don’t go too fast, Jyn. We have enough rations in storage. Just give me a bit of time to heal so I can go up there and help you. »

Their eyes lock and he squeezes her hand a bit harder.

« The sooner I can fix that ship, the faster we can seek proper help for you. » she replies, her face burning.

« I have seen worse. Between the bacta sessions and the therapy led by the droid, I should be able to stand by the end of the week. Are you in a hurry to go back to the war? »

That last sentence makes her frown. She realizes the war has been carefully folded in a corner of her mind. The only thing mattering to her is leaving Scarif to find a proper treatment for Cassian. This is what pops in her head as soon as she wakes up and this is the last thing she thinks about before falling asleep. She doesn’t pay attention to the fact that her train of thoughts keeps her silent nor does she truly notice the worry in Cassian’s eyes.

« Jyn, you are exhausting yourself and I don’t want that. Not on my behalf. »

« What if it’s important for me?» She barely notices his thumb rubbing over her palm. « I have fought for as long as I can remember to keep myself alive. Then you popped into my life with the whole resistance ordeal and you gave me a higher purpose. You made me believe I could fight for others and make a difference. And it worked. It truly did. »

She looks at their joined hands and squeezes his fingers a bit harder.

« When I woke up here and realized I wasn’t alone, I was relieved because I don’t know how to be on my own anymore. It might make no sense to you, but to me, it means everything. We lost the rest of the team. It’s just us, now. That’s why I’m not going to let you suffer if I can prevent it, Cassian. That goes with what you made me become. »

Cassian doesn’t try to convince her any further. He gently pulls over her hand and clumsily wraps his free arm around her back as she allows herself to rests her forehead against his shoulder.

He doesn’t have the courage to tell her that he isn’t ready to go back to civilization if it means having to merge back in a world that could push them apart.

***


	8. Uncharted Territories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,   
> This update is long overdue and I am really sorry I have kept you waiting. Life and work got in the way as we had some big things scheduled for the end of March. After this, I was supposed to get a lot of free time to write and I had plans for this story as well as for On Our Way to the Sky... alas, the worldwide situation happened and once again, adjusting was required, which took away my writing time.  
> I'll hopefully be able to write more, now that I found some kind of balance in all that mess... crossing my fingers here!  
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this part. There isn't a lot of action, but I think you might enjoy the dynamic between those two...  
> Stay safe everyone!

**Underground complex – day 31**

There are many difficulties Cassian feels like he has to overcome.

The obvious one is linked to his physical condition. He knows he is improving. He feels it, day after day, the Bacta tank and the therapy sessions having done wonders for his mangled body. He knows he is that close to be able to stand up, but this prospect is not coming fast enough.

Day after day, he sees Jyn return in a state of exhaustion and frustration that worries him. Her carefully planned strategy to extract the starfighter from the Heavy freighter’s entrails doesn’t seem as fruitful as she expected, and her enthusiasm from the previous days has been replaced by a glum attitude she tries to conceal each time she joins the Med Bay.

However, Jyn isn’t a spy and to someone like Cassian, she is an open book… a book he is willing to explore from the beginning to the end.

That’s another difficulty because Cassian usually doesn’t do that. Until now, there hasn’t been any room for this kind of… attachment. In his head, he is a fighter, an agent for the rebellion supposed to die on service, probably in a dark alley on a desolate planet dismantled by the Empire.

He should have died on that beach, from the look of it. Everyone did, after all, from what Jyn said. And yet, they were both here, her, struggling to get them out of this place, and him trying to heal. A part of him would have let go, in the earlier days, but Jyn had probably sensed it and had been there to give him a reason not to.

She was the reason. Not the rebellion. Not the cause. Her.

Cassian can’t exactly point when it all started for him. It was probably there when he hesitated while having Galen Erso in his visor. There was no reason to disobey a direct order and spare the scientist, if not for her.

He doesn’t know what to make of it, or even how to label it but it’s getting stronger. He feels it each time she enters the room.

Like right now.

Jyn throws a dirty towel in the sanitation bag then flops in a chair and proceeds to remove her boots.

« Hey. » He tries, knowing that she is already composing her attitude to avoid worrying him.

« Hey. » She replies while standing and coming closer. « How are the legs today? Getting stronger? »

She puts a hand on his thigh and doesn’t realize the affect it has on him. She doesn’t notice the slight change in his way of breathing and she can’t experience the heat filling his body but he feels it all as well as a kind of hammering in his chest.

Not wanting her to catch his reactions, he looks away, a half smile forming on his lips as he manages to look at his legs to divert her attention. « Yeah, look. » he says, then sits up straighter and slowly moves his legs on the side of the bed.

Jyn takes a step back, her eyes glued on his weakened limbs. « Do you think you can try to stand ? » she asks, and the hopeful tone of her voice forbids him to say no.

Slowly, he slides his bare feet on the floor and for the first time in weeks tries to apply pressure on his own. He winces, and immediately, the young woman stands in front of him and puts her hands on his knees. « Don’t. If it hurts, then it’s not a good idea. »

Cassian chuckles but doesn’t immediately make eye contact. « It’s all right. I haven’t really used my muscles in weeks. It’s going to hurt. You know how it works. »

She does, but a part of her rebels against the idea of him being in anymore pain. She reluctantly nods but doesn’t step back. « You can use me for support. » she says, trying to sound casual.

Cassian slightly looks up and meets her eyes then nods.

_This is dangerous,_ he thinks… then again, everything with that woman always is. With Jyn Erso, nothing can ever be dull or easy.

It’s her turn to lower her gaze. Jyn wraps an arm under his and around his back then looks back at him as his free arm wraps around her neck. « Ready ? » she asks in a way that sounds anything but detached and that simple realization makes him feel powerful… almost invincible.

Cassian nods then slowly slides from the bed and stands. For a moment, he struggles to find his balance, but Jyn is here against him like a true rock holding him up.

« Steady. » she says as he stumbles a little and Cassian can’t help but lean his face against her hair when she wraps her arms tighter around him. It soothes him.

« I’m ok. » he replies, his voice a bit hoarse because of the pain he is currently fighting.

« Sit back. It’s enough for now. » she says, trying to push him down on the bed. Cassian tightens his hold around her and shakes his head.

« No. Let me get used to it. It’s all right. » Focusing, he slowly drag a foot in front of him, making her take a step back.

« See? » he adds his voice surprisingly soft. « I can do it. »

Jyn raises her eyes and meets his. She realizes a fraction too late that they are dangerously close and that it could become embarrassing… until she sees the way he looks at her. For once, he forgot to put on his perfectly calculated spy mask, and what she finds instead is perhaps more radiant than the Death Star blast that nearly killed them.

She is at loss for words, her green eyes hypnotized by what she finds in his. She barely feels the hand now resting on her cheek and the moment seems to last forever, as his thumb brushes against her skin.

« I’m fine Jyn. Thanks to you. » He whispers, his festian accent getting stronger. « You saved me. »

« You did it first. » Holding his gaze becomes too difficult at this point, and her racing heart is nearly making her feel dizzy. She rubs her cheek against his palm then closes her eyes.

She doesn’t see him closing the space between them and only feels his lips catching hers, softly at first, then with more power, because ultimately, he is a warrior and a spy and because he isn’t the kind of man to wait for things to be given to him.

He pulls back after a long while just enough to whisper against her lips. « I think I need to sit, now. »

Jyn helps him back on the bed, but instead of laying down, Cassian remains on the side with her between his legs and his arms wrapped around her. Slowly, his head rests against her chest while her cheek settles against his hair.

« I’m not really good at this. Being… nice.» she says after a bit while her fingers travels through his hair.

« I think you do just fine. » His hold tightens a little around her. « I’m not good at making… friends. » he admits, the sound of her beating heart relaxing him.

« Good. Because I don’t think I want to be your friend. » There she is, the arrogant rebel. He can even hear the humor in her tone.

« Oh, and what would you call it then ? » he asks, raising his head, a smirk forming on his lips when he discovers with delight that she is looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

« Hmmm… Partners? »

Cassian shakes his head then takes the opportunity to steal another kiss before whispering against her lips. « Doesn’t sound right. »

«We don’t have to label it » she replies, nipping at his lips before looking at him in the eyes.

_She is right_ , he thinks. No matter what has been building between them from their first meeting to now, they don’t have to define it for now. They are on uncharted territories, and if Cassian would usually hate this, right now, he instinctively knows it’s potentially the best thing that ever happened to him.

«No we don’t. » he says, knowing that this woman will turn his world upside down regardless. 

***

**Underground complex – day 36**

Jyn seems to feel a bit better after this. The worry is still hiding in all the dark corners of her mind, but is dimmed each time Cassian gives her some displays of his affection.

It doesn’t happen that much, the both of them not really knowing how this thing between them is supposed to operate. There is a lot of pride involved because neither is used to display vulnerability and for them, feelings are precisely linked to this concept.

However, when the night comes and it’s time to rest, Jyn and Cassian allow their guard down.

They sleep on the same bed because she can’t stand to stay away from him. He sometimes wonders if she isn’t becoming paranoid about his health and he is certainly not far from the truth.

Holding her in his arms is easier now that his legs are getting stronger. He can lay on his side and wrap her in his arms more easily. After a while, she is less afraid to break him. They usually lay awake for hours, sharing the events of the day involving a lot of work for her and a lot of training for him, and on some very rare occasions, some memories involving their life during the war.

Cassian hates when the past clouds her eyes. She reminds him too much of himself and he knows that it’s not a good way to live. Partisans… Rebels… Spies… where is the difference, when in the end, you end up involved in the same war that will force you to have blood on your hands?

In these moments, when the past comes back too harshly, Cassian proceeds to make Jyn dizzy with kisses, as a way to erase all the negativity coming back to haunt her. It usually last for hours until their fall asleep, breathing each other air and bathing in each other warmth.

He knows he can’t give her more for now, but someday, once they have left this forsaken planet…

***

**Underground complex – day 38**

Jyn honestly can’t remember the last time she cared so much for someone. It’s like Cassian lives in her head and even when she is away from him, he is the center of her thoughts.

It should make her unfocused, slower in her attempt at taking the starfighter out but it’s quite the opposite, as if Cassian is sharing his strength with her each time he is holding her.

On the 38th day after the Death Star Blast, she is on what looks like the roof of the hangar bay, hanging by a cord and positioning detonators. The night before, she had a long talk about it with the Spy, and after mapping the inside of the wreck, he had suggested a few things she was eager to test.

This could be their chance to leave Scarif but this mean also so much more, because surely now, they wouldn’t be able to go their separate way, right?

Unless… unless the rebellion is getting in the way. Cassian is after all a soldier, there, and she is just a disposable asset. One that Cassian’s superior can’t stand, on top of it. They could as well decide to leave her behind in a backwater planet with no way to join them again for all she knows.

And Cassian is loyal, so loyal to the cause. That’s one of the things she respects the most in him… his sense of sacrifice. But this could also become their downfall if Draven or Mon Mothma decided to separate them now that the mission is over.

She slides down the cord once she is down placing the detonators and moves behind some crates to shield herself. Looking at the remote, she realizes that all she has been working for since she woke up on that beach might ultimately separate them.

_There is no choice_ , she tells herself. No matter the outcomes, Cassian needs a better medical treatment. Staying hidden in those ruins for an extended period of time, would mean shooting down his chances for a full recovery and she can’t accept this.

She just hopes with all she has that once they are back to the civilization, he’ll keep some room for her in his life.

A shiver suddenly runs down her spine right before she presses the button to detonate the charges. In the chaos that follows, she can almost swear she hears a soft and peaceful voice whispering in her ear to trust the force.

***


	9. Conservation

**Scarif**

**Underground complex**

**day 51**

It takes Cassian another 10 days to be able to walk around the underground complex at first with Jyn’s help, then on his own while she is working in the smuggler ship. The first time he leaves the safety of the medical bay on his own feels like a victory. The limp on his left leg is stubborn, but somehow, the spy is confident about his ability to heal, if not completely, at least reasonably well.

Jyn is giving him wings. She makes him feel invincible. He would have never expected this coming from human relationships. Having been in this war since the tender age of six, most of what he has seen until her has been the darkness existing in every living being. The very few relationships he has had before her were undercover assignments given to him by Draven. He can barely recall the faces of those women he has bedded to gather information, nor can he remember any pleasure attached to their company.

Realizing that, with a simple smile or even a twinkle in her eyes, Jyn can make him feel better than any of his previous sexual encounter is making him question a lot of things about his life.

It’s at the same time elating and concerning. Within the sanctuary of this facility, where it is the two of them, he knows that everything is possible. He isn’t so sure this will be the case when they are back to the reality of the war.

***

**day 53**

When Jyn heads back to the underground complex, the rain has momentarily stopped. The strange dark clouds having settled in the atmosphere after the Death Star Blast hover threateningly above her head, but she doesn’t pay much attention to them anymore. Soon enough, they will escape this lost inferno to find the best treatments for Cassian’s leg.

She is surprised when she sees him standing near the entrance and takes off to join him faster.

« Why are you outside? » she asks, mentally listing all the difficulties he might have faced on his way out.

His eyes take on their desolated surrounding and as he shakes his head, no words come out of his slightly open mouth.

Stopping in front of him, she looks around then nods. « It’s difficult to remember how it was before when you see what’s left of this place. Not that we really had the time to memorize see it when we attacked. »

« The sand is gone. » he states, frowning.

« Yeah. It has been vitrified. And the sea was vaporized. » She replies, waiting for the question that he will inevitably ask next.

« How did we survive, Jyn ? » Cassian looks back at her, his eyes piercing.

She barely nods then comes closer and wraps an arm around his waist. « Come on. I’ll show you something. »

***

Keeping an arm around Jyn’s neck, Cassian looks down at the wet circle of sand left in the middle of the vitrified beach.

« I don’t get how it happened, but it seems like a kind of force field protected us. » She states, nodding toward the sand. « The blast and the heat never touched this space and I woke up with you in my arms right in the middle of it. »

« It doesn’t make sense. There are no portable force fields able to do that. » he mumbles, almost to himself.

« I know. It doesn’t make sense to me either.»

Cassian looks back at her then sighs and puts his forehead against the side of her head. There are a million of things crossing his minds right now, going from tactical information to what he wishes he could tell her, without truly knowing how.

Jyn slightly tightened her hold around his waist, her gaze staying fixed on the circle of sand. « I don’t know if you remember the blast and what happened when the wave raced toward us. It’s all a blur for me, but there is something standing out. When you held me, do you remember feeling some kind of heat between us ?»

A kind of broken chuckle comes out of his mouth, followed by a simple and yet meaningful statement, whispered against her temple. «I only remember one thing from this moment, Jyn. The regrets. In all my years in the alliance I did and faced many… questionnable things and I never regretted a single one of them, because it was for the cause. No matter how much of my soul I was bargaining with those actions. A few weeks before our mission, I wouldn’t have cared about death. But on that beach, I realized that… dying here was a waste. We could have had so much more, you and I. » 

« I didn’t have regrets. » she says, her voice calm. « I was right where I wanted to be. I was with you, in the end. I never thought we would survive this mission. We all knew it was a suicidal one. I just wished we could have had more times together. The last thing I remember was wanting to protect you from any pain, then that heat between us.»

Jyn moves back enough to study Cassian’s face. He looks tired, probably from exercising those legs too much. She knows he is probably pushing himself too hard... Stubborn Captain…

« We should get back inside. » he tells her, apparently unbothered by the chill brought by the wind around them.

_This is the will of the Force, little sister…_

Jyn suddenly looks around, frowning. « Did you hear that ? » She asks, suddenly looking agitated.

«Hear what ? » asks Cassian, concern in his eyes.

« A voice… it’s not the first time I hear it… or something like it. It happened in the smuggler ship too. »

« You think someone could have survived the crash ? » his spy mask suddenly comes back full force, as well as a tension in his whole body. His eyes now move around, trying to detect anything suspect in their environment.

« No… I hacked the ship’s log. They depressurized in high altitude. They’ve probably been shot down by some imperials not wanting their secret base to be raided. There was no survivor. »

«Still, if you hear something… »

Jyn instinctively reaches for the Kyber hanging around her neck, not really noticing its unusual warmth.

***

**Day 54**

Jyn isn’t particularly calm when she sleeps, Cassian discovered that the hard way the first night they shared a bed when she started struggling right in the middle of a nightmare. Pretty soon, he found that blocking her against his chest, with a leg safely wrapped around hers would help her settle down for at least a few hours.

Not easy for someone wounded as he is, but this is something he won’t let her know.

Tonight, her struggle is different. She is not physically fighting for her life. She is whimpering in a way he hasn’t heard before. It sounds like a mix of despair and fear, two feelings he can’t associate with her. Raising on an elbow, Cassian rubs her cheek, neck and arm before slightly shaking her.

« Jyn. Come on, Wake up.»

Jyn’s breathing seems to pick up, her whole body transitioning to something new. Cassian feels an intense heat coming from between them, surprisingly so… As he looks down, he sees the Kyber hiding between her breasts glow with the brightest of lights. Then, before he can truly react, a loud scream escapes from her throat while a wave of energy pulses around them, knocking over then making float the medical tools left on a nearby table by the medical droid.

Not letting go of Jyn for a single second, Cassian tries to analyze what is currently happening, but Jyn doesn’t give him a chance to do that, because she is now awake, reaching for his face and looking more terrified than ever.

« You’re alive… You’re alive… » she whispers, all over again, unaware of what is happening around them, but touching Cassian with trembling hands everywhere she can reach.

« I’m alive. » He tells her, locking eyes with hers. « It’s alright, Jyn. I’m here. » he adds before crushing her in the tightest embrace he can manage.

« Càlmate, Querida. Estoy bien. No te preocupes.» Cassian feels the tremor going through her whole body as the medical tools finally crash down on the floor.

« Shhh… stay with me. Stay with me. » He keeps whispering against her ear, rubbing her hair while she litterally breaks down in his arms.

***

At some point, Cassian managed to pull them both in a sitting position with Jyn resting between his legs and curling against his chest. His eyes remaining closed while his head is resting on top of hers, he simply enjoys the feeling of holding her, her trembling now gone, and her pulse slow and steady under the fingers he expertly placed on her neck to hold her against him.

From time to time, she entangles her fingers in his shirt, as if to get closer, but she doesn’t go past this. There is so much mystery surrounding this woman and Cassian realize how much the cold and dehumanized reports the alliance provided prior to meeting her were far from the reality of Jyn Erso.

For the first time, he questions a lot of things. If he believes in the cause, and he has to, because the empire destroyed his home world and shattered his family… if he believes in the cause, he is starting to see that perhaps, his actions have induced personal consequences he has gladly overlooked for the greater good.

His marks were human, but they rarely were at the top of the food chain. Did they truly deserve their fate ? Did they ever have a choice ? If Jyn couldn’t be reduced to her actions, then why should they ?

His thoughs disrupt when she reaches up to stroke his hair. « I saw the beach. The blast. I… I felt the end again. » she whispers, her voice unsteady.

Her first words in what seems like hours … and that brings him back to the strange phenomenon he has witnessed during her nightmare.

« Jyn, about your necklace… have you ever seen it do something?» His fingers stroke over her pulse, ready to catch any variation in her behavior.

« It sometimes gets hot. Probably the Kyber radiations.» she says, looking down at the old crystal.

« Jyn… Kyber crystals either naturally radiate or they don’t.» His fingers lower over her worn out necklace, brushing her hand in the process. « Have you ever noticed strange things happening around you when it was getting hot ? »

« Why do you ask? » She says, finding his eyes again.

For a moment he hesitates because there is no rational way of explaining what he has witnessed.

Then, spotting the confusion and underlying distress in Jyn’s eyes he decides to leave it alone, at least for now.

***


End file.
